I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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