I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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