I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
