Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
