Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
