don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
