girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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