if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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