You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
