I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
