I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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