i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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