He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
