I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
