there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
