i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
