he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
