A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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