I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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