just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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