Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I touched a dick in church today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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