so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
