Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
