Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
