So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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