mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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