now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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