loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i believe in u and ur pee
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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