tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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