Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
