and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's the barista slut.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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