I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
