I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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