I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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