"it" just moved
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
