I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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