I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
