btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
