i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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