My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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