I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
