My liver just broke up with me...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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