out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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