...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
