Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
