Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
