I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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