Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
