Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
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We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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