got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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