I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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