It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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