And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
