if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Damn victory sex feels great
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
