I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
