Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
