i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
