I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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