He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
50% drunk capacity currently
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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