We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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