so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
