I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
