we have officially lost it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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